Cupcakes: Weird Edition
by liamdude5
Summary: What if Pinkamena Diane Pie turned Rainbow Dash into cupcakes and she had an assistant. But, the assistant isn't Applebloom. Rated T for crude humor, language, and scary elements. Oneshot.


_This is just a silly little thing I decided to do. This is not supposed to be canon with my other fanfictions. Hope you LOL and enjoy. Just an FYI, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash are ponies and my OC is a human._

(Pinkie Pie walked into a dark basement with Rainbow Dash strapped to a table.)

Pinkie Pie:Oh good, you're finally awake. Just in time. I need some help making some new cupcakes. I seem to be all out. Oh well. You came just at the right time. You can help me make my cupcakes. But, if you want to help me, you'll have to dig deep inside.

Rainbow Dash:What's going on? Is this some kind of prank?

Pinkie Pie:Oh, Rainbow Dash. Pranks can be a real pain sometimes.

(Joey The Assistant, a human, walks next to Pinkie Pie.)

Joey The Assistant:Yeah, we're gonna get you a boo boo and we're not gonna kiss it better good night.

Rainbow Dash:What?

Pinkie Pie:Hold on. Joey, we went over this. Remember what we do?

Joey The Assistant:Yeah. We give her the stern eye until she smokes and cracks.

Pinkie Pie:No. We murder, remember?

Joey The Assistant:Like Bill Engvalls and Jeffrey Tamborworthy?

Pinkie Pie:No. You know what? Let's just move on.

Joey The Assistant:We're moving? Where are we going?

Pinkie Pie:We're not going anywhere!

Joey The Assistant:Then why did you say we were moving?

Pinkie Pie:OK. How about this? Let's play the quiet game.

Joey The Assistant:Oh. I love that game.

Pinkie Pie:OK. Now, as I was saying...

Rainbow Dash:Who the hay is that?

Pinkie Pie:My new assistant. Killing ponies slowly and painfully is harder than I thought. So, anyways, why don't we shed some light on the situation?

(Joey The Assistant turned on one or two rickety overhead to show that Pinkie Pie is wearing a dress made of ponies' skin and cutie marks and a necklace of unicorn's horns along with a banner on the wall with "Life Is A Party" written in blood.)

Pinkie Pie:Like it? I made it myself.

Rainbow Dash:Pinkie, please. What did I do to you that made you want to do this to me? I'm sorry for whatever it is I did. Just please let me go. I promise I won't tell anypony about this.

Pinkie Pie:Oh, Dashie. You didn't do anything. It's just that your number came up. And, well, I don't make the rules. But, there's no turning back now.

(Rainbow Dash started to tear up.)

Pinkie Pie:Oh, don't be sad, Rainbow Dash. Here, I have something to cheer you up.

(Pinkie Pie opens a box next to the table and looks through to find a whoopee cushion.)

Pinkie Pie:Joey, is this yours?

(Joey The Assistant nods.)

Pinkie Pie:Well, where is the skull?

(Joey The Assistant shrugs his shoulders.)

Pinkie Pie:Well, at least you remembered that we're playing the quiet game. Anyways, there was supposed to be the skull of Gilda in there.

Rainbow Dash:Gilda? My old griffin friend?

Pinkie Pie:Yeah. You remember her.

Pinkie Pie(impersonating Gilda):Hey, Dash. Let's gang out. These other ponies are lame. Dweebs dweebs dweebs.

Pinkie Pie:I caught her right before she left town. Remember when I left the party for twenty minutes? There wasn't enough time to play with her. I had to wait until after the party to do that. But it was worth it. Griffins taste like two animals in one. Definitely worth it for the taste alone.

Joey The Assistant:Wait. That's what that skull was for? You killed Tweety Bird and ate it?!

Pinkie Pie:No. I did not kill Tweety Bird. And I thought we were playing the quiet game.

Joey The Assistant:Glad to stop to stop you from eating my little yellow friend.

Pinkie Pie:I did not kill Tweety Bird. You know what? Let's just move on. I'm gonna kill you Dash, then bake you into cupcakes. You scared?

Rainbow Dash:Kind of?

Pinkie Pie:You know what? Close enough. Let's just get started.

(Pinkie Pie grabs a box full of knives. She opens it up and picks one up. Joey The Assistant then knocks it out of her hoof.)

Pinkie Pie:What the heck was that about?

Joey The Assistant:My Ma always told me to never play with knives.

Pinkie Pie:Did your Ma tell you that you're insane? Because you are. I can't believe your old boss actually listed you as pure evil.

Joey The Assistant:Yeah. He would always tell me that I was.

Rainbow Dash:I'm sorry. Your old boss?

Joey The Assistant:Yep. He was an evil one, indeed.

Rainbow Dash:Who was it? Donald Trump?

Joey The Assistant:Nope. It was Jeff The Killer.

Rainbow Dash:Wait. Jeff The Killer? The creepy as hell grin Jeff The Killer?

Joey The Assistant:Yeah. Here's a picture of us in the bathroom crafting his scary face.

(Joey shows a picture of Jeff and him in a bathroom with Joey holding a knife with a thumbs up.)

Joey The Assistant:I was actually the one who inspired the whole "kill your entire family" thing.

Rainbow Dash:Really?

Joey The Assistant:Yeah. He was all like, "I don't know. Why do I gotta kill my Mom? Can't I just talk to her," but I was all like, "No. She's seen you. We can't allow that. You must kill her. Besides, it'd make you look super cool and get you ladies," but he was all like, "But I'm not into girls yet. I'm a kid," and I was all like, "Trust me. That'll change once your testosterone kicks in."

Rainbow Dash:So, you come up with such evil ideas, but you are you. Why?

Joey The Assistant:I honestly have no clue.

Pinkie Pie:Can we please just cut our losses and move on?

Rainbow Dash:Please.

Joey The Assistant:Excuse me?

Pinkie Pie:Whaaaattttt?

Joey The Assistant:What does cut our losses mean?

Pinkie Pie:Forget it! Forget this! Forget all of this! I'm not doing this anymore! Dashie, this is just a prank.

Rainbow Dash:It is?

Pinkie Pie:Of course. You think that I would actually kill you?

(Pinkie Pie lets loose Rainbow Dash's bonds.)

Rainbow Dash:But, what about all this?

Pinkie Pie:Props. I'm sorry if I went too far with this.

Rainbow Dash:It's OK. This was actually a pretty cool prank. Probably your best yet.

Pinkie Pie:Really?

Rainbow Dash:Really.

(Pinkie Pie hugs Rainbow Dash.)

Joey The Assistant:Um, what about me?

Pinkie Pie:Oh, well, I know somebody I can send you too. I think you'll be happy with it.

(Pinkie Pie hands Joey The Assistant a business card.)

Joey The Assistant:Slenderman?

Pinkie Pie:Sure. I think that he'd be perfect for you.

Joey The Assistant:Really? Will you put in a good word for me?

Pinkie Pie:Of course.

Joey The Assistant:Thanks. Well, bye.

(Joey The Assistant leaves the bakery.)

Joey The Assistant:I really hope that this works better than my job at the SCP.

_Thumbs up if you got the three references to Creepypastas other than Cupcakes in this story._


End file.
